Ride Again - The Courage to Overcome

If you spend anytime at all in the saddle at some point you are going to have the misfortune to hit the ground. Some of us will get up, dust off our backside and get right back on, others will not be able to even think of getting back in the saddle - paralyzed by fear.
When this happens it is like a 1000 pc. jigsaw puzzle trying to figure out how to put things back together and how to overcome the fear to enjoy your horses once again.
After my near fatal riding accident July 31, 2006 it was never an option not to ride, but when I would be able to. Well at least that is what I kept telling myself and it all sounded real good in my head, but it wasn't that simple once I was ready to throw my leg back over that saddle. I had many issues that needed addressed before riding would be enjoyable again.
This past weekend I had the pleasure to share my story of overcoming my fears and the healing physically, mentally and emotionally I needed before I could Ride Again.
First, we need to understand what fear is. According to Websters fear is - dread, alarm, anxiety, apprehension, to anticipate and to be afraid. While the contrast to be fearless is - intrepid, dauntless and courage. Now, how does one get from one to the other? It isn't going to happen over night.
Here is how I have handled my personal situation.
First, a person must identify the triggers that are causing the fear --

• physical trauma, the accident
• emotional trauma, family issues
• mental trauma
• sometimes the are unknown triggers

Secondly, we need to outline the steps we need to conqueror our fears. Again, this is what worked for me, it might not work for others, but it is a baseline to a starting point.

• healing of physical injuries
• counseling/ group support
• mental healing - making changes - possibly change horses, ride a seasoned horse, take lessons
• change your involvement with horses for a time - do other equine related activities to regain your confidence - become a walker for a therapeutic riding center, work with a youth equine group, etc.
• emotional healing - remove your resentment - bitterness

Accident 7/31/2006

• Injury - life altering, job ending - 4 surgeries, many months of painful PT
• Emotional - resentment - reconnecting spiritually - lots of praying
• Mental - Panic attacks - recognizing triggers - rearing horses - feeling of lack of control - helicopters - claustrophobia - hospital smells and sounds
• Financial - lost everything - total ruin - over $800,000.00 in medical bills - loss of health insurance - loss of personal property - established a budget

I have put together a little timeline of the healing I have dealt with over the past 6 years. It has been a long tough road, but with the support from my family and some truly awesome friends I have come a long way and am enjoying my life with horses again. Do I still have apprehension? Yes, I sure do. Some days it is a real struggle to get in that saddle, but I do it and I enjoy it too.
July 31, 2006 10:20am I was crushed under a horse owned by a couple where I boarded my horses and I worked with them training show horses. The morning started like any other morning, I had hauled a load of sawdust on the way to the stables and I was going to work 6 horses that day, including the one that would nearly end my life. I had clipped my show mare and put her back in her stall to unwind, got out the owners little mare who had been sidelined for several months with a stifle injury and was coming back into training (so I thought, she had not past her vet check and unknown to me was not sound to ride). I saddled up and as I was headed to the outside lot she refused to move forward. When I asked her to step up her back end gave way, she reared straight in the air and that is all I remember. I suffered a double compound fracture to my right femur (large upper leg bone), a broken left foot, several broken ribs, a punctured lung and a concussion. Yes, I was wearing a helmet and a protective vest, so you can see the severity of this accident. I flown by helicopter to a major trauma center where I underwent several hours of surgery to repair my leg. I spent 16 days in the hospital including 5 in ICU. I began PT 3x a week for months. On Jan. 4, 2007 I would undergo a second surgery to replace the rod in my leg and to remove two screws. I would go under the knife two more times and spend countless hours in Physical Therapy.
On Jan. 1, 2007 I went to the barn and managed to just sit on my horse, I was drained physically, mentally and emotionally, but I was on his back.
7/31/2007 1 year from the accident I saddled up and sat on my horse again.
9/23/2007 I went on my first organized ride with Best of America by Horseback- I spent most of the night crying and trying to control my panic attacks
2008 I traveled to Alabama, Tennessee and North Carolina to ride - again with BOA - I have ridden on 13 episodes of the show and the group has been so instrumental in my healing with all the support I have received.
2009 I added riding 3 of my other horses to my list of things to do - I rode them all!!
2010 I added another mare to those I was riding - this was a big step in the right direction - this little mare and I have had our issues, but I did it.
2011 Paid off the debt the owners of the stable had run up in my name.
2012 Visited Air Evac, sat in the helicopter and faced my panic attacks of the thought of flying head on. Thanks to Chris Pedersen and Greg Jadwin - this also resulted in a Independent Representative job for Air Evac memberships.
_______Forgiving the couple who are responsible for my accident, for putting me in danger and the debt they caused. Well lets say I am still working on this one.
I cannot change the past and I don't know what the future will hold, but I can control the present. I just have to make the best of the hand I have been dealt. Just taking it one day at a time.